Nov 29, 2007

Haley's Speech Test

My second post for the day, ya know, because I know how much everyone loves my blog. They just can't live without a blog post for more than 10 minutes. They love it so much that I must post twice daily just to keep my readers satisfied. Yes, my two readers. LOL

Anyways, I have a BRAG about my baby girl!! It is known among my friends that Haley has a pretty bad speech problem. Well, I have been trying like all get out to get her into a speech class for the last couple years to which I have always gotten the answer of, "Just wait until she is in kindergarten because by then, it may work itself out." Well, haha, you stupid fuckers, it didn't work. I waited, she still has problems. Yes, a few of them have worked themselves out, but she still has MANY more to work on. Her teacher finally got the paperwork submitted and Haley was tested a couple weeks ago. On Monday, we had a meeting with the woman who does the testing, the speech teacher, and also Haley's kindergarten teacher. The tester lady started going over all of the test results because, get this, Haley's teacher recommended her to be tested for MORE than just speech. She wanted her tested for all kinds of other stuff too, like vocabulary, word recognition, and also another one that I forget the technical term for, but it basically meant "being able to put together a sentence for effective communication." Well, didn't this come back in her teacher's face!

Baby girl's scores were as follows:

  • Pronunciation/Speech Formation: Extreme Problem (okay, we knew that).
  • Word Recognition: Average (Great!)
  • Being able to put together a sentence: Average, but needs work on verb tenses. (Okay, I can deal with that too.)
  • Vocabulary: My daughter has the vocabulary of a sixth grader!! (Yay baby girl! You are as smart as Mommy has always been telling everyone. Nobody ever believed me!!)

I can completely understand where they thought that there might be other problems along with the speech problem. I mean, they can't understand alot of what she says so it would be probable that she would be behind in other areas as well. However, Haley teacher, Mrs. Ribordy, looked as if she was about to get run over by a Mack truck at the last tid bit of information. Frankly, it pissed me off. I told this woman at the parent-teacher conferences that Haley had a vocabulary that far exceeded her age range and I also told her that it often went unrecognized because of her speech problems. Obvisouly, this woman thought that I was talking out of my ass. Now, there is proof. Ha. I am so happy! For once, I have a big something to brag about!!! I always knew that Haley was intelligent, but her speech problems give people the impression that she is the opposite. I have been telling everyone for years that it was ONLY her speech. The one person who always, always believed that was Paul's mom, Beth. I think that even my own mother has doubted that was the only problem. Well, again. HAHA. My daughter is smart. Just like her mother!

This all makes me want to act just like a little kid, stick my tongue out at everyone, go "in your face!!" Jump around like an idiot and just, in general, act like a 7 year old on the playground who was just proved right. It's disgusting in it's simplicity, and thoroughly satisfying all in the same moment. I love my daughter and I am so glad that finally there is some proof that she isn't being heavily affected by her speech problem. Despite it all, she is just as smart as any other child her age, and in some cases, she may be more intelligent. *sticks tounge out*

Positive Thoughts

It seems I'm a bad blogger. Hmph. Well, it's only the truth, I suppose. I forget about it for days and days on end. I don't dream about blogging or even really think about it all that much. I don't plan out my posts. Hell, I don't even use correct punctuation in most cases. It's fun to annoy people with punctuation!?!?! Yes, it is, it really really is!! Try it sometime. I promise. Big fun.

Anywho...I started my period today. The cramps aren't too bad yet though. Thank God! I don't think I could take cramps with my clomid not having arrived yet. Which has been the focus of my obsession as of the last couple weeks. That shit still ain't here and I'm beginning to get impatient. I understand they say that it will take 12-18 workdays to arrive, but this is ME we're delivering to, that's gotta mean you'll get it here in like 4 days, right? So, all in all, my perception that the entire world revolves around me came crashing down. My clomid hasn't arrived. Hopefully, in the next couple of days so that this cycle won't be a complete waste. It might actually be a stress-free cycle since Haley will be gone for the last week. Well, atleast the last couple days. Then, I could obsess without having to feed, clothe, and bathe her. All of my obsessiveness could be focused properly on blowing secen thousand dollars on home pregnancy tests. No, not really. It's fun to think about though. Back to my original thought for a clomid has a couple days to get here before the cycle is scrapped. I need to start taking it by day 5. I can tell you though, it just really irks me that the ONE month that I am hoping my period come late, which isn't that uncommon for me, and here she is RIGHT ON TIME. Stupid mother nature. Yes, that's me pouting.

I do have some other things that I need to do....I need to get a basal body thermometer. My old one has been lost or misplaced and it was old anyways. A new one will be good. I am only temping because I'll be taking the clomid without monitoring. Frankly, I just don't want to end up pregnant and then have a period and take the clomid again. That would probably not be good. Temping atleast should help me to avoid that, if it were to come up. I don't know if clomid is going to be the answer for us or not. I can tell you though, I am sure hoping this shit works! If it doesn't, it will a very long time before I am able to go back to the doctor for an IUI or anything of the sort. Besides, IUI cycles can cost an arm and a leg. Up to four thousand dollars a cycle, since if I did IUI we would do it with injectables. Sigh. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that because if it does, I'm not sure that we will ever have another child. I don't know that we want to spend that kind of cash on ONE procedure without ANY guarantees that it will work, and even if it does, pregnancy is no guarantee that you will bring home a baby in 9 months. Either way, let's try to stay positive about all this.

My clomid WILL arrive in the next couple days.
The clomid WILL work, and I will have a healthy, happy pregnancy.
Positive. Positive. Positive!!!!

Nov 16, 2007

Join The "Miffed" Housewives Club

It appears that my clomid has not yet shipped from it's destination. I talked to one of the customer service representatives who assured me that this is some big holiday week where the drugs are to ship from. This could all be true. I would like to think that maybe I got scammed except for the fact that they haven't yet actually charged me for the pills, and they have real live customer service. If customer service hadn't been so on the ball, I might be thinking differently right now. I still have confidence that they will be shipped and arrive in a timely fashion. With any hope, "timely fashion" refers to "before my next period starts DAMMIT!"

I have a feeling that I would be rather miffed if my period decides to come on time and my pills don't. "Miffed" isn't actually the word I'd use, but for your virgin ears, I'll use it here. I think I'd opt for a long string of profanity instead of "miffed." As a matter of fact, I know I'd go for the profanity. I quite enjoy my foul mouth. It scares people away and makes some more interested. Usually others with foul mouths find it wonderful to find other's of their "kind." Most of my kind live in trailer parks and a good portion are ex-cons, truckers, sailors, etc. A few are normal housewives like me, but we normal housewives with foul mouths are a rare commodity.

So, I call to all the housewives out there in the world--explore your inner bitch. Use the F word ATLEAST once in every sentence. Say shit (in public) when you drop something, hurt yourself, damn near trip and smash your face into the pavement. Go on. Do it. Feels good doesn't it? Join us. Hehehehe.

And back on topic--my clomid better get here or I'm going to hurt someone. For real.

**UPDATE: Right after writing this post, I mean RIGHT AFTER, I went to check my email and had an email from the off shore pharmacy. My pills are on the way!

Good my little follicles--you will soon have the chance to grow and get big and juicy before bursting out and being nearly trampled by the waiting millions of sperm who plan on fertilizing you. Cut them some slack, they are blind afterall. It will be a good day. Come my pretties, come out of the ovary and play!!! Muhahaha.

Nov 11, 2007

My Steamy Affair

Sometime in December, my long lost lover, Clomid, will be coming back into my life. Our last torrid affair was short-lived with no momento to remember the affair by. I am hoping that this time before Clomid leaves, that I am atleast left with a momento--a positive pregnancy test.

This is how I'm imagining December's affair in my mind. Me and Clomid taking a snowy ride through Central Park on a horse drawn sleigh. Holding hands and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. This time, our affair will have none of the screaming and yelling mood swings of last time. Because it's winter, there won't be those hot flashes from our summer rendezvous. We will get along smashingly. I know that Clomid will only be in my life for five short days, but Clomid's presence will be felt for a full month atleast. In my grief at the end of the five days, I will then turn to my husband for consolation and love. We will have steamy, passionate sex for weeks in an attempt to heal my broken heart. A couple weeks later I'd notice that, oh, my stomach isn't feeling that great. I'm a little light headed from time to time. And where oh where has my period gone?

Here's to hoping!!!

Nov 10, 2007

Girls Night Tonight

To give a little explanation, this girls night refers to a small group of women who all got together on a popular baby website that had small, relatively unorganized forums. We decided to make our own forum going on almost 2 years ago now. We first called it Project Baby. We started out with 13 members from our original group. We are now down to roughly 10 after a few minor squabbles along the way. We became so close and so involved in each other's lives that we sometimes knew intimate details that nobody else knew. It was a special kind of friendship. It still is. However, since our beginnings, all but two of us women have become pregnant and had children. I, obviously, am one of the two who failed to get pregnant. Still, we decided that our group and our forum had morphed since it's beginning and was no longer about getting pregnant and having babies as it was a place for our friendship and we renamed our forum. There has been many times where that forum has been the only place where I trusted to tell my feelings in their entirety and not feel as if I would be mocked or ridiculed. It was a place of respite for me. Over the last year, things have really slowed down. I can understand that as the girls had their new babies that they had less time to sit online and bullshit for no good reason. We lost touch and the forum chatter slowed and almost halted. It was sad. So, we decided that we should have a girls night to really get things going again and get us all back in touch. I think it was a great idea! Hopefully, it will be a time for the mommy's to get a little break! I am very excited about it and I hope it goes as well as I have been imagining that it will. I really hope that there will be a good turn out. If there isn't, I fear that our once great forum will soon come to a screeching halt. People lose interest when there is nothing to read and nothing to comment about. It would be a truly sad day for me. I hope that this is just the change we need to get things going again. I miss my girlfriends and our pointless chatter, sometimes about nothing at all, but even so, very meaningful conversations.

Nov 9, 2007

Turkey Tits and The Dippled Ass

Not really much going on today. It seems it's going to be a quiet Friday. All of our shopping was done yesterday, along with a little extra shopping. The turkey has taken his roost respectively in the freezer, until I move his ample breasts and juicy thighs to the fridge to thaw in a couple weeks--or whenever close to Thanksgiving is. I can't keep the weeks straight anymore and doesn't Thanksgiving usually come later in the month? Am I the only one that has a problem with this? Guess so. I plan on making a "Michigander" style turkey this year. Makes those ample breasts just fall apart in your mouth. Is what you do is cut a small slit in the skin of the breast and pull the skin away slightly making a little breast pocket for Mr. Turkey to keep his pocket protector in. No, I mean, you make Mr. Turkey a little pocket and you stuff it full of seasoned butter. I never thought of myself as being much of a "breast woman," but the thought of hot turkey tits marinating for hours in seasoned butter makes me drool. Turkey tits. Hahaha. Love it!! I crack myself up sometimes.

Paul wants me to make two pies. Sigh. Two pies, three people eating, equates to 10 pounds added to my already jiggling, dimpled ass. Of course we will be having the obligatory pumpkin pie and he also wants chocolate cream.

I have figured out the most kid friendly snack the world has ever seen though. Haley loves to eat it and make it and it's easy! Plain english muffins, split. A jar of tomato sauce. A bag of mozzarella. A bag of pepperoni. Easy, cheesy, microwavable, MINI PIZZA!!! Best of all--unprocessed and didn't come out of a box. It's got to be better than macaroni and cheese. Right?!?

Nov 6, 2007

HO HO Holiday Infertility

As the holidays roll near, I find that my mind wanders much more to having a baby. It's a difficult, painful thought most times. The thoughts that everyone else seems to be able to have children "by accident" and I can't even get pregnant when we try. It's jealousy. Pure, undaunted jealousy. Where most people would grow mean in it, I don't. Well, not most times anyways. I can truly say that I am happy when a family member or friend announces their pregnancy. I can't say I'm not jealous. I can't say that my heart doesn't break at my own misfortune. However, these days, it doesn't interfere with my joy for the happy couple. These days, now that it's been too long to count how long we've been trying for a baby of our own. These days, that I have seen friends and family get pregnant, have their babies, and now some are even pregnant again. Some even have a second child in the time I've been trying. The hurt used to be worse. It's subsided over the past couple years, at the very least it has lessened in intensity. I think that I have finally come to a point in this journey where I would be okay if I never got pregnant again. I have one beautiful daughter. That's more than some women get. However, during the holidays, the thought of Haley doesn't seem to deter me from wanting another child so badly that it's like a hard, painful lump in my heart. An ache in my gut so strong it's almost palpable. A yearning in my loins.....

Ok. Yearning of the loins. Not really my style, and frankly, at this point, my loins yearn for nothing but privacy. No more doc's in the va-jay-jay, please.

In the last couple of months, I have been surprised. My good friend, known herein as only S, is pregnant with her third child, a girl after two boys. S and her husband weren't expecting this baby as they had just had a son a few months earlier. When she announced her pregnancy, I thought that Iwould be hurt, my inadequacy as a woman exposed. However, exactly the opposite reaction is what I got. I was happy for S and her husband. Not jealous, not mad, not more aware of my inadequacy, not even envious. I thought there would be a flood of these emotions, and they were absent, in all their mean mannered glory. Just not there. I was happy for her and I was praying every night that she would get the girl she wanted so badly. It was weird. Welcomed, but still, weird.

The other thing that has surprised me recently is Paul. He has been talking about babies. Dropping hints about having a baby as big as the Mackinac Bridge. He's anxious about it like I used to be. He wants me to go through all the crap that I used to put myself through just trying to get pregnant. Quit eating motrin like it's the elixir of life, basal temping, ovulation strips, fourteen thousand pregnancy tests per month, and the list goes on and on. I can't say I'm ready to get that far back into things again. I don't think that our problem lies in "not hitting the mark" at the right time of the month. I think our problem needs full-time attention by a doctor. A trained doctor, not the D average med student, who just graduated 4 minutes ago. Someone who is at the least, in his or her forties. A doc whose been around the block a few times--seen enough va-ja-jay's that my big hairy bush won't send them running for the hills.

So....our money situation has improved dramatically in the last few months. We actually have some extra money. It's an odd feeling considering that since the day we got down here we have been broker than broke, savings gone, checking account overdrawn even. It's all better now, thank goodness. Still, our insurance sucks ass to the point that NO infertility services are covered whatsoever. Thank you for your consideration Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield. Atleast in Michigan, our blue cross covered all of our appointments and monitoring, and even portions of medications. We just had co-pays, which did pile up to a nice hefty bill, but atleast we weren't paying the whole thing out of pocket!! I don't know really what I would have to do to make the money to pay for a doc here.

I need to come up with a creative way to raise some money for infertility treatments. Any ideas?

Nov 5, 2007

And It Begins...

You know what begins. The holiday rush. Ugh. The race to get the "just right" gift for everyone on your list. Trying to stretch a buck as far as it possibly can go so that your child can get the latest, greatest version of some piece of crap that will be broken in a week or left lonely and forgotten in the far reaches of the closet. Yes, this joyous time of year. It's this time, the stretch between Halloween and Thanksgiving, that seems most daunting. It's too early to hang up the Christmas decorations and really get in the holiday mood, and yet you still have to shop like your holiday spirit is in full swing.

To top off my list of cheer this year is that Haley has made a list of things she wants that's ten miles long. However, she did add that "as long as I get some of that stuff it'll be a wonderful holiday." Atleast the child realizes that you don't get everything on your list. Most especially when the little queen of mess puts Ice Cream Maker Toy on her list. Oh, Lord. No way! I don't plan on spending the New Year cleaning dried spots made of powdered dairy product, refined sugar, and food coloring off the walls. Oh no. Not this Momma. I did have a few moments of pride as she read her list aloud. She asked for alot of books and school supplies, as well as craft supplies for at home. So, for the last few days, I have scoured ebay looking for as many early reader books as I can find. My love of reading is one that I would really like to instill in Haley. So far, my evil plan is working. MUAAHHAHAHAHA.

On the brighter side of things, Thanksgiving is fast approaching. A holiday that I love for it's simplicity. Give thanks and gorge yourself on food. Does it get any better? This year we will be having our Thanksgiving at home. Just the three of us. And the dog. Can't forget the dog. He'll be under the table licking up crumbs. Haley is excited to help with getting dinner ready and I'm excited to have her in the kitchen to help. I have to think of a few dishes that will be easy for her to make--without those dishes tasting like dirt. I'm sure she can handle candied yams and green bean casserole. Those are easy enough that not even a novice cook, the title earned by her lowly 5 years here on this planet, can't mess up. She's excited about it. That's all that really matters. I won't even think about the mess the kitchen will be afterwards, but we'll save that for the time when it actually happens.

We're Pregnant