The Death of Fluffy

So, Paul...erm...I mean, the Easter Bunny, picked out a tiny pink and white stuffed bunny for Haley's Easter basket. Haley has fallen in love with this bunny. She has named it Fluffy.

She did much better with the naming of this stuffed animal than she did last time she named a stuffed animal. Last time was a purple bear that she made at Build-a-Bear Workshop that she named Blue. Yes, she named a purple bear--BLUE! What was she thinkin'?

Anyways...Haley has never been a child who gets attached to things or plays much with dolls or stuffed animals. Until Fluffy. The bunny who rocked our existence.

The minute she got this thing she went to her room and got down all of her doll stuff and all the little diapers that I had gotten over the years as samples or whatever. She wrapped this tiny bunny, up to it's neck, in a diaper. Then she attempted to dress it in clothes made for a small doll, but not for a small bunny. It was quite comical. Later in the day, she then decided that Fluffy needed to go for a whirl in the new baby swing that we've bought. But, oh, then she wanted to get out the high chair and the pack and play. I had to draw a line with that since we just don't have the space at the moment to have all that stuff out and opened. So, she had me rock Fluffy to sleep several times, while singing lullaby's (off key, even!). She actually pretended to breastfeed the stupid bunny. That made me chuckle out loud. Then, when it was bedtime Fluffy needed it's bedtime kisses and to be tucked in with her. It was cute. She's never done anything like that before.

Then, came Monday. The day that Fluffy was to die. Or so says the drama queen formerly known as Haley. She wanted to take Fluffy to school. I said no. She's had problems with a 5th grade boy on the bus stealing her stuff and bullying her. She's also had a problem with losing things that she takes to school. So, I assured her that Fluffy would be much safer at home. She put the bunny in her bedroom and came out with one of those "I'm so pitiful" looks on her face, and the lower lip all puckered out. Then came the tears. Giant, crocodile tears. The sobbing. The wailing.

The next thing I know, I'm picking up her school bag to put some stuff in there that was due back the week before. Oops. And what do I see in her bag? You guessed it--Fluffy. I hate when Haley tries to be sneaky. She rarely gets away with it, but she would have this time if I hadn't had stuff that needed to go back. The little sneak!! Well, I made her return Fluffy to her bedroom. Again, assuring her that Fluffy would be safe at home with me. She insisted that I agree to feed it milk, rock it to sleep, and put it in the swing if it got bored. I, dutifully, agreed, as any mother trying to shut up a six-year-old, would.

Then, as we were walking out the door to catch the school bus. She says to me "Mom, don't let Fluffy die." I said that I wouldn't, but she wouldn't let it go. By the time we got to the bus stop she was again wailing and this time she says "Fluffy is going to diiiiiieeeee while I'm at school. I just know it!!"

She has so much faith in my mothering abilities, huh? I managed to mother her and even keep her alive for the last six years, but apparently, mothering a bunny is a whole new playing field that I am not equipped to handle.

Where Do Babies Come From?

This is Haley's story. It has been, in no way, altered by Paul or I. We have chosen to just let her believe this for now because, well, she's not ready for the birds and the bees. That, and she thinks that "penis" is possibly the funniest word in the human language.

"Mom, getting a baby in you isn't hard. It's pretty easy most of the time. You just go to the baby store, you know Babies 'R Us and pick a baby that you like. I don't think they let you pick if it's a boy baby or a girl baby, but maybe they can't tell which it is because it's so small. Anyways, so you just take the baby to the doctor and they put it in your belly button and then the baby grows in your belly until it's big enough to come out."

Now, this is where it got a little hazy. She didn't know how, exactly, the baby got out. Just that a doctor got it out.

I think this story came into existence while we were seeing the RE. She knew that we were trying to "get a baby in mom's belly" and she knew that it wasn't working for whatever reason. So we told her that the RE was a special doctor who worked with hard cases where the baby just wasn't growing in there.

Since I've become pregnant we have explained a little more to her. She seems to understand quite well. We had to explain about miscarriage because she found out about our pregnancy so early on. She told her teacher all about it, her teacher called me, and asked what we had told her. LOL That was a conversation for the ages! Apparently, she had told her teacher that "my mom has a baby growing in her belly. It's going to be my brother or sister, but we don't know yet because it's too little to see. Sometimes, though, babies don't grow right and they have to go to heaven before they can be born. So, we just have to wait to see if it's growing right." Her teacher assumed that we had experienced a miscarriage, but that Haley was confused by it. No, I told her that we had been trying to have a baby for a very long time and that she found out much earlier than we would have liked that we were pregnant. So, being the proactive parents that we are, we couldn't let her assume that everything always worked out perfectly. We wanted her to know the truth of the early weeks of pregnancy.

Then, we had to explain, exactly, how babies get out of the mom's belly. So, I began this conversation by having Haley watch a couple episodes of A Baby Story on TLC. Wouldn't you know that those two episodes were the bloodiest births, and the loudest screaming birthing mother's I have ever seen! So, then not only was I explaining how babies get out of the belly, then I was explaining why it hurt. Of course, she took it all in stride, and understands that it hurts to have a baby and that's normal and healthy. She's even making plans about how she's going to help me when I'm in labor. LOL She wants to be there, but I'm thinking that she might be a little young for that just yet. Alot young. Maybe when she's 30.

Then came the comment of all comments.

"I think I'll just buy a grown up baby when I want to go to the baby store when I get married."

So, then came the conversation about how Uncle Kenny and Uncle David are adopted and where they came from. How do you explain to a 6 year old that these 2 men who are her favorite people in the world are technically biological brothers to each other, but are adopted into our family? Not only that, how do you explain that they were both born addicted to crack, along with their other 6 or 7 brothers and sisters, the state took away her parental rights, and they were put up for adoption? A hard subject to approach with her. So, we settled for "the mommy who grew them in her belly was very sick, so Bam and Papa adopted them, and they became Daddy's brothers, just like Uncle Pete."

An interesting day indeed....

Super Sledder and Broke Back Momma

Well, when school was cancelled today due to the snow, I thought it would make a great sledding day. I love sledding! What I failed to remember is that I haven't been sledding since I hurt my back a couple years ago and also that I'm now pregnant. Duhr!! Get with the program, Mindy!

I am in so much pain that I can't even explain it. To top things off, I can't take any good pain killers and I don't even have any Tylenol in the house. All I have in the cupboard is Motrin and that's off limits. Dang it. Paul should be home in about 20 minutes though so I'm hoping he'll run up and get me some. If he does, I think I'll kiss his talon-like toes (no matter how ill it makes me!).

The most important thing is that Haley had fun. And she did. She was having a blast! We bought her a saucer sled this year and she loves that thing when it turns her around backwards! That kid is a thrill seeker and I am totally anticipating her asking to sky dive for her 16th birthday! I even went down the hill once. Relax, it was slow, I was just trying to pack down a path so that Haley could go faster. It worked. Haley was even trying to get it packed down further on out because she wanted to keep going longer. She's such a fun kid! We had a ball. I'd like to do it again sometime when I have some tylenol ready! HAHA!

Terror of the Night

As last night progressed, I lay balled into the fetal position on my couch trying to cry quietly so as to not wake Paul. I think that I have never felt such pain as I have felt with this period. Interesting it is since I do not have PCOS or endometriosis or any other condition that should cause such awful pain and cramping. All of my doctor's were sure that endometriosis was the cause of the pain because in my younger years I would breeze through my periods like they weren't even there. Often, I had found myself bragging at how lucky I was to never get even a hint of PMS, save a little exhaustion int he days leading up to my period. Those were the good old days. The days where I didn't own a heating pad and definitely had no need for one. I managed to catch about 45 minutes of rest before Paul came strolling to the living room ready to leave for work with all his chains and prison guard garb dangling around in a raucous. I finally broke down and took a half dose of Excedrin at nearly 5am. Although it did help to ease the pain, I then had nagging thoughts that wouldn't allow sleep to wash over me.

As most anyone would know who reads my blog, Haley is gone with her father for the holiday break until January 5th. Yesterday, I called her father's phone, answered by his ever sweet girlfriend, who informed me that Haley had gone out to lunch with sperm donor's mother. She was supposed to call me back within an hour. That hour came and passed with no call. I called back later in the day, sure that it had just been an oversight and no big deal. Well, then there was no answer. So, I left a message. Yet, still there has been no call back. This leaves me worried, to say the least. I have the uncanny feeling that my daughter is miserable. She wants to come home and they don't want her to talk to me yet because they know that she will tell me exactly what is going on. Those fuckers. However, I could be incredibly wrong in my thinking. Somehow, my momma gut is kicking in and telling me otherwise. I think I'm right in my thinking, and will continue to think I'm right until I hear Haley tell me that she's having fun there. There is a nag that won't let me sleep. Then, my mind wanders to what shit I'm going to have to go through with the court system to resolve this problem. What great flaming hoops they'll have me jump through and in which ridiculous costume? Please imagine my fat ass in one of those tight little unitards asscheeks but half clad in sequins and the rest hanging out for the world to count the ass dimples. Don't forget in this vision to include the barely there breasts smashed flat in the overly tight attire and the rolls of back fat that undoubtedly will be impossible to conceal in that shiny little number. Oh, oh, and then there are the thighs, and you know I only shave to just above the knee....so use you're imagination. Bikini line...oh lord, the bikini line....like I have an afro wig shoved into the crotch of that leotard....

Back to the story now that you have a full picture of what the court makes you do to get anything done....

Now, I'm just pissed off. I'm all in a rage and I swear on all that is Holy....if my phone doesn't ring today I am going to beat the living shit out of SOMEONE. Then, just for kicks, I'll call sperm donor's mother and give her a piece of my mind too. She's oh so fun, barrel of laughs kinda fun, to scream at. Besides, she takes all my threats seriously and actually calls him and his girlfriend and let's them have it. And if that really doesn't work....sperm donor's grandmother will be next on the list because she loves me dearly to this day, and she's one tough old bitch who will never let anyone hear the end of it if I call her bitching. And last, but not least, then I'll put on my sparkly outfit, jump through flaming hoops, and really get him in a whole shit storm of paper work and court dates. This mother is NOT to be fucked with especially when I have PMS!!

How's that for being a "fucking cunt," Jeremy?

By the way....on the phone the other day he thought himself terribly witty by calling me a "fucking cunt," repeatedly. I mean, does he think he's the first person to call me that? God, no. He can't really be that stupid. Can he? I mean, I am a fucking cunt, but I don't think that's a news flash to anyone and certainly not to me! He's so brilliant....I mean, brilliantly ignorant that it's entertaining. I hope he sees padded walls and men in white coats just once in his life....and if there is a God, I will be there to watch them drag him off.

Bravery? No way, Mom!

So, I've had an interesting few days.

Haley has gone off to spend 10 days with the sperm donor. She was terribly upset at the thought of going. She didn't want to be brave, she just wanted to stay home. I kept reminding her that there would be presents there and she had an answer for that, too. "Nobody there will get any presents because they're all bad." Can't argue with that too much, can I? I won't. I think she's right and I have always been honest with Haley about most things in her life with the exception of Santa Clause and where babies come from. I have to sit her down sometime in the next year to explain where babies really do come from. Her bio-dad and his unwed girlfriend tried to tell her something along the lines of "When God knows that you are ready for a baby..." I squashed that fairly quickly. God, if you believe in that, only put one baby anywhere and that was Jesus into the virgin Mary. All other babies are strictly the product of free will. Or else "When God thinks you're ready for a baby...." and we'd have all kinds of knocked up virgins and no pregnant 13 year olds. Now, don't get me wrong, babies are miracles, I just don't think they are that brand of miracle. Speaking of the sperm donor and his girlfriend, they are having their baby sometime in the next month. Another bastard child to roam the Earth. Another child he won't pay child support for once she realizes what a fucking idiot he is and gets her child as far away from him as possible. I'm not jealous though, oh no, with any hope now that he'll have a son, he'll leave MY daughter alone. Let her live her life with her mommy and daddy and quit trying to be a father 6 weeks out of the year. I'll even let him get away with not paying his child support. If he continues to be a thorn in my asshole, then I'll keep complaining that he doesn't pay so he can keep on going back to court to explain why he is a deadbeat. Haley, too, is not at all pleased at the prospect of having a brother, regardless of the fact that he'll live more than 3 hours away. She's pushing hard for me to have a baby though. Kids are weird.

On a side note, I've had a couple days of nausea, which has me wondering. I am pretty late in my cycle. However, I think it could be due to some sinus drainage and nothing to worry about. I guess we will see in a few days. My period should be here by the first of the year. No later.

Some Holiday Cheer

"Santa paints his whole body with invisible paint and that's why nobody can see him when he comes on Christmas."

There you have it.

The answer to every child who wonders why they never see Santa on Christmas.

Of course, that's just Haley's account of things.

Heaven Help Me!!!!

OMG the mess!!! Haley destroyed the house this morning! Here I am, sick with the flu she brought home from school, and she's busy destroying the house! The kid must have woken up at 6am to do this much damage! She poured salt all over the floor, poured glitter all over the floor, and for some reason she had eggs out of the fridge!! I mean...c'mon kid! Cut your poor sick mother a break! What was she thinking? This picture here to the right is a small box of some craft stuff we keep in the house filled with glue, glitter, some construction paper, foam sheets, pipe cleaners. I don't even want to know HOW she got this down from the closet, but she did! And so goes the mess in the rest of the livingroom and kitchen. Here are a few pictures to document this adventure.....

Oh look, what's that? Those are 3 kool-aid packets! Oh wait, excuse me, one is hawaiian punch, which is even worse with it's extra super dooper mega redness. And, what did Miss Haley do with the red kool-aid you ask...

The one on the left there, that's the dog's food bowl. The best I can tell, the dog needed some kool-aid syrup. She didn't add enough water to make it anything more than that! The one on the right there, yup, that's my CARPET. As I'm sure you can tell, that isn't her kool-aid syrup straight on the carpet. I can't really say what happened before I woke up, but I can most certainly tell you that she attempted to clean that mess up! It's soaking wet and she had several rags out. Talk about mom being NOT HAPPY!! I can deal with alot of messes, but this is just beyond even my comprehension. Even all these hours later, I still don't think that it has fully sunk in yet. I did put some cleaner on that red spot and now you can hardly see it, but it's still there. I will have to go get something that gets red out.

These pictures don't even cover the mess in the kitchen! Salt all over the floor in there and more than it's share of red droplets all over. Then, she salted the arm of the couch and the floor beneath that. Maybe later on today, or even tomorrow, I will post the rest of the pictures of this atrocity! Heaven help me!!!!!!!

The Road to Reading

Haley, Paul, and I have officially finished reading aloud the first installment of the Harry Potter series. I, of course, have already read them, but they are new to both Paul and Haley. What made the decision to read her the books was her desire to see the movies. Even I, do not see a movie based on a book without first having read the book. Even if that means missing the movie in theatres. What seems most amazing to me is Haley's mouth foaming desire now, not for the movie, but for the next book. It's great to see her so in love with a story that I too have lavished in. I have to say, I was quite proud of Paul, who had been thus far quite resistant to even the notion of reading a kid's book all by himself, but read aloud, with more enthusiasm than expected. His best moment was during the announcing of quidditch matches. He read it like a true sports announcer, with only a few pauses to stop and snicker at the dialogue. He would have made a spectacular sports announcer! He even once threatened to read ahead without her since he was enjoying the book so much, if she didn't behave herself. I, of course, was in total I told you so mode. Everyone loves the story of Harry Potter, young and old alike. I knew he'd like it too, if I could just get him to pick up the stinkin' book and give it a try! Now, we have to go rent the movie for Haley as her reward for finishing the book. Paul and I have both already seen the movie, but for her it will be a new adventure. Hopefully, an advanture that will make her want to read more often. I hope that I can instill my love of books in her. I would love someday to discuss some of the great novels with her.

I, meanwhile, have read The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and The Two Towers over the last few weeks. I had always been very resistant to reading them as I once remember a girl in one of my high school classes telling me that it was a difficult read with alot of old language in it. Then, the movies came out, and "What the Hell!" everyone that I knew had atleast read The Hobbit. Well, I finally broke down and decided it was time to read them all. Keeping true to my word, I have not seen the movies. I have one book left in the series, and after that, I told Paul that I would very much like to just sit for a whole weekend and enjoy the movies. Preferrably, a weekend when Haley won't be running about distracting me. I have really enjoyed them up to this point, and can see already that they are a book series that I wouldn't mind reading again. I have a feeling that they are the types of books that you miss alot of details the first go through, and would pick up alot of minor details that pertain to future events in the books with a second read. I don't really have any prospects for future reads just yet. I suppose that I should come up with a few ideas as I am planning a trip to the library tomorrow to pick up Haley's new book. Any suggestions from anyone? I particularly like books of a series if anyone has any suggestions...

Haley's Speech Test

My second post for the day, ya know, because I know how much everyone loves my blog. They just can't live without a blog post for more than 10 minutes. They love it so much that I must post twice daily just to keep my readers satisfied. Yes, my two readers. LOL

Anyways, I have a BRAG about my baby girl!! It is known among my friends that Haley has a pretty bad speech problem. Well, I have been trying like all get out to get her into a speech class for the last couple years to which I have always gotten the answer of, "Just wait until she is in kindergarten because by then, it may work itself out." Well, haha, you stupid fuckers, it didn't work. I waited, she still has problems. Yes, a few of them have worked themselves out, but she still has MANY more to work on. Her teacher finally got the paperwork submitted and Haley was tested a couple weeks ago. On Monday, we had a meeting with the woman who does the testing, the speech teacher, and also Haley's kindergarten teacher. The tester lady started going over all of the test results because, get this, Haley's teacher recommended her to be tested for MORE than just speech. She wanted her tested for all kinds of other stuff too, like vocabulary, word recognition, and also another one that I forget the technical term for, but it basically meant "being able to put together a sentence for effective communication." Well, didn't this come back in her teacher's face!

Baby girl's scores were as follows:

• Pronunciation/Speech Formation: Extreme Problem (okay, we knew that).
• Word Recognition: Average (Great!)
• Being able to put together a sentence: Average, but needs work on verb tenses. (Okay, I can deal with that too.)
• Vocabulary: My daughter has the vocabulary of a sixth grader!! (Yay baby girl! You are as smart as Mommy has always been telling everyone. Nobody ever believed me!!)

I can completely understand where they thought that there might be other problems along with the speech problem. I mean, they can't understand alot of what she says so it would be probable that she would be behind in other areas as well. However, Haley teacher, Mrs. Ribordy, looked as if she was about to get run over by a Mack truck at the last tid bit of information. Frankly, it pissed me off. I told this woman at the parent-teacher conferences that Haley had a vocabulary that far exceeded her age range and I also told her that it often went unrecognized because of her speech problems. Obvisouly, this woman thought that I was talking out of my ass. Now, there is proof. Ha. I am so happy! For once, I have a big something to brag about!!! I always knew that Haley was intelligent, but her speech problems give people the impression that she is the opposite. I have been telling everyone for years that it was ONLY her speech. The one person who always, always believed that was Paul's mom, Beth. I think that even my own mother has doubted that was the only problem. Well, again. HAHA. My daughter is smart. Just like her mother!

This all makes me want to act just like a little kid, stick my tongue out at everyone, go "in your face!!" Jump around like an idiot and just, in general, act like a 7 year old on the playground who was just proved right. It's disgusting in it's simplicity, and thoroughly satisfying all in the same moment. I love my daughter and I am so glad that finally there is some proof that she isn't being heavily affected by her speech problem. Despite it all, she is just as smart as any other child her age, and in some cases, she may be more intelligent. *sticks tounge out*

And It Begins...

You know what begins. The holiday rush. Ugh. The race to get the "just right" gift for everyone on your list. Trying to stretch a buck as far as it possibly can go so that your child can get the latest, greatest version of some piece of crap that will be broken in a week or left lonely and forgotten in the far reaches of the closet. Yes, this joyous time of year. It's this time, the stretch between Halloween and Thanksgiving, that seems most daunting. It's too early to hang up the Christmas decorations and really get in the holiday mood, and yet you still have to shop like your holiday spirit is in full swing.

To top off my list of cheer this year is that Haley has made a list of things she wants that's ten miles long. However, she did add that "as long as I get some of that stuff it'll be a wonderful holiday." Atleast the child realizes that you don't get everything on your list. Most especially when the little queen of mess puts Ice Cream Maker Toy on her list. Oh, Lord. No way! I don't plan on spending the New Year cleaning dried spots made of powdered dairy product, refined sugar, and food coloring off the walls. Oh no. Not this Momma. I did have a few moments of pride as she read her list aloud. She asked for alot of books and school supplies, as well as craft supplies for at home. So, for the last few days, I have scoured ebay looking for as many early reader books as I can find. My love of reading is one that I would really like to instill in Haley. So far, my evil plan is working. MUAAHHAHAHAHA.

On the brighter side of things, Thanksgiving is fast approaching. A holiday that I love for it's simplicity. Give thanks and gorge yourself on food. Does it get any better? This year we will be having our Thanksgiving at home. Just the three of us. And the dog. Can't forget the dog. He'll be under the table licking up crumbs. Haley is excited to help with getting dinner ready and I'm excited to have her in the kitchen to help. I have to think of a few dishes that will be easy for her to make--without those dishes tasting like dirt. I'm sure she can handle candied yams and green bean casserole. Those are easy enough that not even a novice cook, the title earned by her lowly 5 years here on this planet, can't mess up. She's excited about it. That's all that really matters. I won't even think about the mess the kitchen will be afterwards, but we'll save that for the time when it actually happens.

Recent Events

I know that I haven't talked to people much lately so here are a few of the current events around my household:

Haley's First Parent-Teacher Conference:
Didn't go so hot. I really expected more from Haley. Although she seems to have a solid grasp of what has been taught and is ahead on many subjects, she is a class clown and a disturbance to other students. I can't say I was surprised to hear this. I knew this was my future with Haley for a long time. I used to joke that one day I would be on a first name basis with her principal when she was smaller. Haley also seems to be messing around alot instead of doing her work. So, to make up for the time she spent talking, she then scribbles what she is supposed to be coloring and stuff. It's ridiculous in my mind how a 5 year old has SO much to talk about that she just can't keep it in another minute! I mean, afterall, her life has been so full of great things, that she has some divine wisdom to share with her peers. She is also irritating the life out of me with her school "journal". The child can write, yet, she refuses to do so. She is supposed to be writing "I like to ride my scooter" and she writes "abadokdneudos" all in a slur!! So, when she gets home I make her rewrite in on the other side of the paper and she does it perfectly! What is up with this kid?

The Great Make-up:
Paul and I have been on the outs the last couple of months. There was alot involved, but we have finally made up. I am happy and relieved. I was feeling quite depressed about all of it there for awhile, but it seems that the changing leaves and the cooler weather have brought me out of my funk. It's a great feeling to finally feel alive again!